On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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