The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
