I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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