a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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