My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize