We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
