When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize