Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
