I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
