There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
