Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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