so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
