and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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