I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
