I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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