grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
