Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
