Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize