Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
