i already hear my dad disowning me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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