Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
