Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize