Umm I'm too high to move.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
