Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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