i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
