I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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