grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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