My nipple is on Facebook.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
