He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
