you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
