at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
