he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
