Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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