it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize