Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
