Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
