I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize