Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
