I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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