Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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