Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
