Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
