there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize