i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
