i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
