I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
