Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
