Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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