sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
two words...techno handjob
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
