What a fucking waste of an outfit
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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