come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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