im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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