I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
