the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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