I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
