Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
