I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
