The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
