community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
