If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize