I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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