So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
