The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
