My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
