he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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