the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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