Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
