Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
